Resigning 101: It’s not about you!
Objectives
There are three key objectives:
- To leave as smoothly as possible without doing anything that will effect your reference later: meaning in the manner which is most professional, while doing nothing embarrassing to or for your boss
- To be “walked” as soon as possible, while still preserving any outstanding pay for your notice period, and bonus / commissions to which you are legitimately entitled (check your employment agreement)
- To manage the message in such a way as to not offend any of your superiors or colleagues
The approach
To achieve the objectives above is fairly easy, if handled in the way suggested below.
Keep in mind that, unless there are a lot of people presently leaving the company, from your boss’s perspective, your departure has some of the same effect as their arriving home to find their spouse in bed with another. You have defected! Cheated on them!
It sounds like an over-dramatization – but in many ways the effect is similar – and we have seen some bizarre behaviour result.. There is some shame before their superiors and peers, as well as a personal sense of loss. This can lead to the same kind of irrational behaviour that in extreme domestic cases results in the murder of the spouse found cheating! So anticipate the worst over-reaction – and manage accordingly! You need to be diplomatic – but effective.
Start with your boss in mind: Resignation is not about you – it is about your boss.
Your position going in: You are an adult: you have made a decision and you don’t owe your boss an explanation, a discussion, nor the opportunity to berate you for leaving, or to berate your new company. What you do need to do is manage your boss through the process.
Your boss’s typical response to this data, particularly if you are a valued contributor (and if you weren’t, why would we have recruited you in the first place?) is often the natural instinct to fight back. This can take the form of negative fighting (“You’re an idiot”, “The new company sucks”, etc.) or positive fighting (“We can fix the problem, we’ll offer you more money, responsibility… All those things we didn’t / couldn’t give you last week? Well they are all now, miraculously, available…”) and again is very similar to the reaction of the spouse hearing that you are leaving them. They will fight your decision by berating either you or your new partner, or by pleading “I can change, honey – I had no idea you were so unhappy.”
Counter Offers
A study by Fortune magazine discovered that 90% of people who accepted counter offers were no longer employed by the same company one year later. There are several three reasons for this:
- Nothing changes – all the old issues remain. The counter offer is simply to retain an asset until alternative arrangements can be made and the candidate still ends up having to leave
- Things actually get worse: having broken the trust bond, the “defector” is no longer kept in the loop the same way, doesn’t get mission critical accounts or projects, etc. and so leaves again.
- As soon as the candidate can be replaced, he or she is terminated, or is moved to top of the list in terms of a layoff, or reduction in force
Net, to accept a counter offer is death: both for your career inside the company – and outside, because having gone back on your word, your reputation will be soured throughout the industry. The message here – if you are ever to consider going back, you do actually need to leave first – and be gone for a while.
Turning down a counter offer isn’t much better in terms of a result for you: despite the boost to your ego now, there are repercussions. A spouse who begged and pleaded to keep their mate will ultimately despise themselves for their weakness, and will also hate the mate for putting them through it, and for the further damage to their pride. In the same way, a boss who gets perceived permission to make a counter offer, only to have you turn it down will in turn, turn on you. If not now, the next time you need a reference….
So keep repeating the mantra: “It’s not about me – it’s about my boss.”
The objective is to leave smoothly, without getting a counter offer. The little ego boost that gives you now is a short term gain – but could cost you a great job 3 years from now when someone calls for a reference and you get buried. So skip your ego boost and focus on your boss.
Steps to Follow:
- Prepare in advance: have a list of everything you need to do to complete a smooth handover written up and ready to go, together with a transition plan, if feasible. Make it as easy as possible for your boss to let you go as soon as possible. For example, identify projects or accounts, and list the issues, and identify the best person, in your opinion, to take over for you.
- Pack your personal belongings and anything you want from your desk and take it home – or have it in the car before the meeting starts.
- Have a letter of resignation prepared. With the letter, include any company ID, credit cards, etc. Destroy the credit cards so there can be no question they were used by you subsequently. A sample letter is available, and shown below.
- Schedule your meeting with your boss: identify it as a personal issue you need to discuss, and see if you can schedule it for late day on a Friday – this maximizes the time your boss has over the weekend to digest the news and get over it before you face your boss again on Monday morning. If a Friday is impossible, then go for late day any other day, for the same reason. Identifying it as a “personal issue” may also alert a smart boss to the possibility that something is up – and helps break the news a little more softly. Do not discuss on the telephone if at all possible.
- The take away message for your boss needs to be “You are a great boss, this is a great company, but I have changed and so I have to go. Let’s talk about the transition”. But spread that out over a few sentences. The words might be something like: “Boss, this is a really tough thing to do – I have really enjoyed my time here very much – its been a privilege to work with you and this company and I’ve learned a great deal. I wasn’t actually looking for a change, but I’ve been approached with another opportunity that is a completely in line with where I want to take my career, and it is simply too good a situation to pass up. So this envelope contains my letter of resignation, my ID and my credit cards, to take effect Monday morning two weeks from now. I hope you understand. I’ve really enjoyed working for you – you’ve taught me a lot and it was a really tough call to make, but in the end, out of deference to my family and myself, I just couldn’t say no….. I’ve prepared a list of everything I’m working on, and I have an action plan to transition it. Perhaps you can review it and I’ll be happy to discuss it and do anything you need me to do ease the transition.”
When the meeting starts, the following are a few of the dos and don’ts:
Do not sit down: sitting invites a lot of conversation, whereas standing makes it short and sweet. Instead decline any invitation to gently, saying “Sorry, Boss, this won’t take very long, and I don’t want to make it any tougher than it already is”
Do not divulge any of the terms of your new offer: no details means no counter offer, therefore means no pissed off boss when you decline, therefore means no fouled up reference… etc. There are 3 Responses to inevitable questions that are acceptable and should be used:
- “Yes, it’s a little more money – but that really wasn’t the issue – the issue was the opportunity fitting to my goals”.
- “No, I can’t tell you who I have joined – it was a condition of my offer that I not disclose that until I have started. I can share that they are a competitor, and that if you want me off the premises I’ll completely understand.”
And finally, if the questions persist:
- “Boss, I’m not sure this will be productive – I have had a tough time leaving because I like the people here and working for you, but this is just an outstanding opportunity, one that simply can’t be duplicated here, and so, as tough as it was, my decision is made, I have given my word, so it’s a done deal. I really hope we can focus on the transition”.
Do not engage in any discussion about why you are leaving that is remotely negative about the company or your boss. Keep focused and don’t change the message: You didn’t want to leave – the company has always been great to you, your boss is awesome, and this has been a really tough decision, and no, there is nothing you would change about the way your present company operates – It’s awesome – in the words of George Costanza on Seinfeld, “It’s not you, Boss, it’s me”! Never forget: You have changed – the company is perfect. Even if asked “How would you improve things – please – we want your help!” do not succumb to the urge to provide your many ideas and suggestions which the company has heretofore ignored! It won’t help them – it certainly won’t help you, and you will have forgotten the prime point, the key killer item to remember… Resignation is not about YOU – it’s about your BOSS – and getting out as smoothly as possible!
Do not gloat to your boss or co-workers about the new role. But feel free to give them our name, if they are any good. ;-)
Do be cooperative – but firm regarding the transition. You can help during your notice period, but your loyalty has to shift to your new employer and to their interests.
Do be modest and classy! You can’t believe how fortunate you have been to get this new role, you owe your success to your boss because of the things they taught you that allowed you to beat out the other candidates, and you are very grateful. (Also, at any time, feel free to add that your headhunter was simply amazing!)
Sample resignation letter
Today’s date
Address to company,
Attention: Your direct boss
Address of office
Dear [boss],
It is with regret that I must inform you of my resignation, to take effect at 9:00 AM, Monday [date], two weeks hence.
I enclose my [keys / access pass / company credit card (cut into two) / laptop] so there can be no question of impropriety.
This has been a very difficult personal decision to come to. I have found my time here to be personally and professionally rewarding, and I want to thank you for the manner in which you have treated me throughout our reporting relationship. My personal regard for you, and our positive working relationship both made my decision to leave even more difficult.
I was not unhappy, but was recently approached on behalf of another company and have been offered a role which offers me a tremendous career opportunity I cannot achieve in any other way than by leaving to pursue it, and so I have accepted it.
[If appropriate: I must in fairness disclose that it is with a direct competitor.]
You may rely on me to conduct myself professionally for the balance of the notice period, and I have prepared a summary of the work I was doing and attached it as well. I would like to speak to you as soon as possible to discuss how you would like me to transition those commitments.
Under the circumstances, I will understand if you wish me to refrain from contact with customers or from attending the office for the duration of my employment. Please advise me as to how you would like me to proceed from this point forward.
Again, my personal thanks to you for the many positive aspects of our relationship and your leadership.
Yours sincerely…